Colleges can preach tolerance and love and acceptance and diversity=awesome all they want and most kids will say “Oh yeah I agree” and move on with their lives.
Until it comes to certain people.
Certain professor’s pet people.
Homosexuals are fine, people of different races are fine, smokers are fine, hipsters (God love them) are a-OK. Even people with their headphones turned up full blast so that you can hear “Shorty get down” three rows back are fine (though they walk the line ever so closely).
But if you draw the favor of your professor for your academic prowess or your OCD tendencies to always do everything correctly and on time, B-E-W-A-R-E.
Your peers will hate you as if you recorded over the latest episode of The Bachelor. Or lost their ticket to the Monster Truck Rally. Or whatever.
I should know.
My name is Becky and I unwittingly became a professor’s pet this semester.
It was a total accident.
*le me Sunday night*
“OMG OMG OMG OMG WHAT IF I SUBMIT THIS ASSIGNMENT WRONG?? I’M GOING TO FAIL COLLEGE! I WILL GET AN F AND LIFE WILL END! WHY DOESN’T THIS PAGE LOOK EXACTLY THE WAY HIS DID IN CLASS??? I AM GOING. TO. DIE!”
*copy and paste assignment to the online folder*
“Thank you for uploading. Here is your assignment that was worth your soul– all safe and sound. Congratulations.”
*I promptly faint from the stress*
(but not really)
This was at 7:37pm. The assignment was not due until 8am the following morning.
I go to bed thinking that all is well because I have time to re-upload if the computer lied and something really did go wrong.
*Class the following morning. My picture from the class roster is up on the screen. I go numb*
*le professor to the whole class*
“Is Rebecca here?”
*raise my hand two inches*
“Oh good!! Rebecca, you guys, is the ONLY STUDENT to submit this assignment correctly and at the right time…..”
*this goes on for five minutes and gets worse as the professor points out how others submitted their assignment incorrectly during which time I try disappearing*
It doesn’t work. And slowly, excruciatingly, all of my peers’ heads turn towards me and give me glares that would melt the Wicked Witch all over again. I tried disappearing again. It still didn’t work.
This whole episode was made even more horrible because the week before, I had answered two questions correctly in class and when the professor asked the next question, he pulled out the dreaded, “Anyone besides Rebecca actually know the answer?” And that time too, evil glares galore were pointed at the back of my head.
Sorry. I actually just found that picture on the wonderful Google and can’t stop staring at it.
Note to everyone: Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT EVER answer more than 1.3 questions correctly in class. And no more than 3 questions overall. It is a life-threatening decision. And also, if you can avoid it, don’t turn any assignment in more than 2.7 hours early. That, too, is a major no-no.
Note the second: I was just informed by a friend via the Facebook that some other peers might try to weedle some assistance from me now that I supposedly know what I’m doing. This is possible. But judging from the amount of hatred wafting up from around the room that prognosis is….unlikely.
Note the third: No, the prof still has not remembered, three weeks into class, that my name is Becky no matter what my birth certificate or the university may think. #nicknameproblems